Alice’s Diary – Entry #1

1110939_71662097Sometimes I think I might go mad with the not knowing. How do I know I want something if I don’t know what it is I want, exactly? I have no idea how to explain this other than I know I want to try things but I have no clue whether, when I do, I’ll back away, hurt and frightened. I think what I’m trying to say is that yes, there comes a time in a person’s life when something new is on the horizon—is wanted, even if only for a moment—yet straying from the “norm” or what is normal for you is a bit daunting.

Since the 50 Shades phenom, I believe many more women will be questioning what they want to do in the bedroom. Are they willing to have their boundaries tested? Do they really want to be smacked on the arse, as in really smacked, or are they just dallying with what it might feel like because women in fiction books do this all the time and love, love, love it.

For me, I’m confused as to whether I want to just try it a little bit or if I want so much more than that. I can’t imagine being all out hit with a whip—I just can’t get my head wrapped around it, although I find it erotic to read about. But then I find threesomes erotic but I wouldn’t want to be in one.

Yes, confusion is the order of the day for me today. I want to try but I’m scared. I want to submit but I’m also someone who prefers to be in control. I’m not sub material, I know this already, yet at the same time I’m not that dominant either. I’m in the middle. So, what is a girl to do in this situation?

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